My mother and menopause..

My mother is becoming one of those cranky old cat ladies. Give her a few more months, and the transformation would be complete. She is very temperemental nowadays, and not to mention unbelievably selfish. Everything is suddenly about her, and the world revolves around her. I really am starting to really dislike her, and for a good few months of my life, I thought that maybe JUST maybe, she would be sane. But to my disappointment, she's the same old hag I've always been disappointed with my entire life, since I entered secondary school.

I've never been fully close with my mother. She has always kept it clear, that she's the reason I'm still alive, and she can let me die if she wants to. She can make my life bearable, or she can make my life a living hell. I feel as though I'm in a cult, where there are many restrictions and rules. It is scary, I know, but has my mother thought into the future? What if I'm all grown up, and she's old and frail? The tables would be completely turned. Karma has its ways.

As of now. To hell with getting close to my mother. I'm never going to tell her anything ever again. I will lie to get what I want if I have to. I will do anything to succeed. If my mom is the obstacle, I'll get around it. In this world, you will learn to be plastic. And with my mom, you have to be hard cold fake plastic. Its the only way to live. You know how you kiss up to your boss? Well, its time to kiss up to my mother. Because she's not a mother. She's a boss.

The price you pay, when your mother is a career woman, and your father is a hermit crab.

I know one day I'll find my freedom. One day I'll be happy. It might not be now, but it'll come someday.

The Flurry..

There are so many things to do. Yet again. Tests, ICAs, Hairstyling, Hair Extensions, Photoshoots, Editing. I've to get all these done and finished. I hope I don't die from this week.

Spendthrift is what I'm becoming. I'm turning into some kind of crazy shopaholic. Whenever I see a sale, I'll just grab something, even if I probably won't use it. This month alone, I've spent over $300 on myself alone. High maintenance much. But then, I got alot of things which I've wanted to get for the longest time. Like a bag for my hairstyling. Victoria's Secret merchandise. Shoes that are a hundred percent mine, and not used goods from my brother. Face products, which don't belong to my brother. Pants which fit me, and aren't too big or too small. Socks which match, and aren't two different colors.

I finally satisfied my wants. I slogged at work, but now I feel really happy, that I can get what I want, by myself, without asking my parents, or borrowing from my brother. And I pretty much am fully equipped for my hairstyling business. So now I'm content. But then, I look tired from all the slogging and studying. But its fine, eye creams and concealer pens do wonders. And what I bought now, I can keep forever. Whee.

Now, back to studying and slogging.

The Doormat..

Some people just assume I'm a doormat. They assume I'm a second wheel. They assume I feel and know nothing, when they step all over me.

Stop putting up an act please. Just be who you feel you are. The more you act, the less I trust you. The more I don't trust you, the more I'd ignore you, until the point that you turn insignificant to me.

The Emptiness..

I look at myself now. I look different. Different from when I stepped into poly for the first time. My nerdy curly hair flat ironed into smooth straightness, the fats which used to be on my face completely gone, clothes got better, more put together

I used to have nerdy curly hair, parted to one side with a puff in front, I wore baggy jeans, and T-shirts which looked liked I bought it from the wet market. I look back now, and I say to myself, big difference.

I used to think noone would ever like me, because of they way I looked, but I've changed and I look like this now, and I still feel the same way, in fact, even worse. I try so hard, and they doesn't even notice me. I'm still alone. Why do I feel even more empty then I ever felt before. I'm just waiting, waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet. I've seen them look, but they turn away. That's the most painful part, knowing that I'll never have a chance. So why am I still trying.

I have my friends telling me all the time its not my time yet. They say I'm different. They say the place and time I'm in just doesn't call for it. I'm different, and the place I'm in is narrow-minded. Maybe that's just it. Some people don't want different. Some people are scared to have different. Because of me being different, it brought me through places and experiences which I would have never experienced if I was like any other person on the street. But in this world, being different, can also mean being alone for the rest of your life.

So tell me, amidst all the glitz and glamour, there is still complete emptiness.

I've questioned, and I now have the answer. And it just saddens me, to be born this way, only to face such pain which I can only suffer in silence with.

Friday Bliss..

Andy's Personal Selling: Friday Bliss

Hey everyone! I'm doing some Personal Selling once again. The theme this time is Friday Bliss, so check out these delicious food products for sale. The prices here are all discounted from NYP, so you can't get them at those prices at the regular outlets. For any order placements or enquiries, drop me a message!

Ritz Apple Strudel

*Ritz Apple Strudels vouchers will be given on 9 april onwards.

All vouchers valid for 12 mths from date of issue.
Walk-in collection outlets:

833 Bukit Timah Road #01-10 Royal Ville

Tel: 64693470

10 Anson Road#01-76 International Plaza

Tel: 62248216

Reservation Required Outlets:534 North Bridge Road

Tel: 63374381

267 Upper Thomson Road

Tel: 64586935

Gelare Ice-Cream

*Gelare Vouchers will be given on 9 april onwards. Present the vouchers at any Gelare stores to get your items.

*Vouchers vaild till 8 June 09.

Foodedge Gourmet

*Foodedge gourmet products collected from me from 9 april onwards.

The Baker's Story

Brownie Flavours: Cranberry cheese, Cheese, Mint cheese, Orange Cheese.

Collected from me from 9 april onwards.

For any enquries or to place any orders, please feel free to leave a message on my tagboard, or contact me directly via email to charmed_duff@hotmail.com. :)

The Separation Anxiety

So today I got posted to Suntec City for work. Even though it was just for a day, I miss Tiong Bahru outlet like hell already. It was a nightmare today at Suntec. The management is so freaking strict, and so unwelcoming. The staff there are arrogant motherfuckers, and should really stick their heads in the hot oven. One thing I hate about working with all girls staff, is that they're damn bitchy and arrogant. I came, and noone even acknowledged or said Hello. They just pretended I wasn't there. Stupid Cibais. In that kind of working environment, I'd seriously hate coming to work.

When I was having training at Tiong Bahru, it was so relaxed, and the other staff there welcomed me with open arms. The aunties who were staff were so helpful they washed everything for me I didn't have to do anything but put stuff in the sink, and they always called me Ah Boy (wtf right. But heck it was endearing). The other two guys who were full time staff were damn patient with me even though I kept putting extra stuff in the customer's sandwiches, and they didn't even scold me or ask me to clean anything when I was there. They did everything for me, and I'd just watch. And the place has no politics or bitching everyone is ok with each other. In Suntec, I was washing up, and the manager was bitching about other managers to one of her Philipino staff (who looks like a minah yikes). Wtf. Way to be a good example.

I swear, if the Lido outlet I'm posted to is anything like the Suntec City one, I'm so demanding to go back to Tiong Bahru, or else, I'm going to quit. When I work, I want to be happy, not in some mean girls drama. Enough of that is happening in school.

The Button..

I think I've pretty much reached my maximum tolerance level with some people. I'm through with those who are freaking oblivious to the fact that they pretty much are insignificant in this world. Those people need a reality check, and as much as I want to give it to them, it would show that I actually care about them. I used to be a little more tolerant, but after finding out that they actually talked smack in front of me in Chinese, my tolerance is pretty much gone forever.

Who the freaking hell do they think they are. Bitching about me in Chinese when I'm around? If you hate me, please don't hide it. Tell me to my face that you hate me, so I can hate you back, after which I can start my plan to make you miserable. :)

The Slater..

Sometimes, its good to put up a nice fortress, so you will really know who to trust, and who not to. For these good few months, I found out that people have been taking advantage of me without me even knowing it. I have decided to keep everything surface now, keep it professional. Being stone might chase away people from your life, but its way better than getting used over and over again. And those who really want to know you, will care enough to break down that wall.

Wilhemina Slater. Hardened so much until she feels nothing for anyone. But look at her, rich, successful, glamorous. Sometimes you have to choose. Live for yourself, or live for others.

The Chi..

I need to know what straightener them stylists use on them naturally afro haired celebs like Leona Lewis, Jordin Sparks, and Ashley Tisdale! It seems to work freaking miracles on their hair it always seem so straight, smooth, healthy and shiny after straightening, and it actually lasts the day! My current straightener is good, because it gets the hair really straight and smooth, but after a while, it tends to get a little poofy, especially if the hair is naturally dry and curly. I have the gut feeling that those stylists use a Chi Straightener or a GHD. Just look at Leona Lewis. She has naturally afro hair that's probably dry as hell from all the bleaching, and she can get shiny healthy curls or perfectly stick straight hair,which lasts. Tell me the secret!

Find me my miracle straightener, so I can unlock the secret to perfectly straight healthy hair. I love my current Korean one to bits, its the reason why my hair isn't a freaking poofball whenever I go out. But now I need to know how to get afro hair to look like the girls from Pantene. Hairstylist challenge, now I have to tackle it.

P.S I need to start doing heavy advertising! I have no idea where them customers have disappeared to!